I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
