you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
