He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
