it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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