i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
