Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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