my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
