i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
