You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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