in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
