I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
