I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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