dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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