What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
