just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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