Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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