K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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