Your tits are I can't wait for
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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