I think I won the penis lottery.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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