my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
