So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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