epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
