The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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