someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
