Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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