I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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