I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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