I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
