My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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