Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize