either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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