We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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