My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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