Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
