good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
