when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
