Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
