Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
