I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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