So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
