can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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