so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
one might say we're banned from that church
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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