wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
