i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize