I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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