Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
