On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
