I want to stick my p in your. b.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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