She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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