She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
