Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
