I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
