If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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