dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize