Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
