i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
