So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
