are you still at the devil's house?
youre lurking in front of me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
