He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
