I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
