i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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