I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
