why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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