Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
