me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
