I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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