I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Who died my cat blue again?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
